I swear this thing jumped at me!@!1!!!!!

I hate spiders. Hate hate hate with the burning passion of a million suns. Hate hate hate. I discovered this horror while grading essays at the kitchen table. It was on the wall across from me. After taking the photos I went to swat it with a flip-flop. I would have used a 16 foot 2x4 if one had been available. Anyway, when the sandal was about an inch over this monster it JUMPED (NOT "FELL"--LITERALLY JUMPED!!!!!!) off the wall in an attempt to evade death. I have no doubt that it was a last ditch attempt to jump on my face and kill me. Hate hate hate